“I’m sorry I wasn’t nice to you.”
Imagine finding this note in your daughter’s backpack. With no context.
After reading this note, written on a small card in the handwriting of someone who had only been at it for a few years, the flood of emotions that we special needs parents feel quite often (but never quite get used to) overwhelmed me. Who was this child who “wasn’t nice” to her? What had they done? Why hadn’t my daughter told me about it – or why hadn’t I heard from someone at the school? And who instigated the apology note?
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A quick email to the teacher got me some answers. A group of boys in her first grade class were saying what my four year old would call “bathroom words,” giving the middle finger, and trying to get my special needs child to join them. And my heart was broken. I’m not naive, I know people will be mean to her because she is different. But I was hoping to get through a few more years before children would seek their special needs classmate out as a target.
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I spoke to Teagan’s teacher the next day on the phone. She told me she had talked to the boys about vulnerable people, and how they need to be extra caring with them. I don’t know about all of them, but the message at least got through to one little note writer.
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Normally when I write blog posts like this, I get supportive messages expressing love for our family and how much people are in our corner. While I love that, and appreciate the support so very much, that’s not what I’m hoping for.
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I’m hoping you read this and are inspired to talk to your kids. Talk to them about how to treat someone they’re not sure how to treat. Tell me you told them some people don’t learn the same way as others, or look exactly the same, or talk like everyone else…but they all want to be accepted and included and to have friends. Tell me how you told them that taking an extra minute to say something nice or even simply give a smile to a child they’re not quite sure about could make their day.
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Those are the notes I’m hoping for.
Rocking Lion 