Des is Down to Five!

YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH IT’S BACHELORETTE TIME!  The previews are rife with strife – my gal Morgan has a theory that all the sadness is a faker – maybe they’re pretending to be in a soap opera or something.  I think she’s sups smart and maybe on to something.  OMG I really hope Michael goes home this week.

My predictions for the final three: Drew, Chris, Brooks.  I really like Zak too, but I think Des is more into the other three.  Wow, is she already down to five?  “Look at the fish?  Oh wow!” I don’t think these dudes would normally be that excited about some minnows.  OMG!  GIRLFRIENDS FROM LAST SEASON?!  Catherine, Jackie and Leslie are there – I love it!!!  Catherine and Sean are best friends – glad she updated us on that.  I don’t remember Jackie.  But she thinks Drew is a cutie, and I agree.  She has narrowed it down to a good group (minus Michael).  They’re now talking who has the best body (Des says Drew – agreed), best eyes, etc…Catherine asks about the best BEEP – aw I love me some girl time 🙂  Des’ guess is Chris.

First one on one is with Brooks – these two seem pretty nuts about each other. Chris agrees (he says he can tell they have a connection).  I do like Brooks, but I get a bit of a creeper vibe from him, I don’t know why.

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Des and Brooks are driving above the clouds, and are super excited about it.  I remember a similar experience in my life (domestic through – rocky mts) – I did not enjoy it so much, I was more worried about plummeting to my death.  There was no railing, no railing!  Anyway…

Brooks is straight up asking the tough questions – where are we between like and love – I appreciate his ballsiness (new word!).  Someone cue “On the wings of LOVE, up and above the clouds…” OOPS! That’s Jake’s season. 😉

FAIRY TALE!  DRINK!

Date card is here, and it’s Chris.  “Lets ‘sea’ if we can find love here.”  He’s pumped.  Back to Brooks and Des – where the heck is Madera anyway?  Ooh, I spelled it wrong, but it’s off of Portugal – I know because I searched, that is what you call a multiscreen experience folks.  Okay, enough of the biz talk.    I had to check facebook for a minute, and when I came back Brooks was excited that des says she was running…after rewinding twice, “running” represents how fast she is moving toward love.  But he doesn’t know if he’s ready to run until after she meets his fam.

Date day with Chris – who is head over heals.  How is a guy this good looking still this desperately single?!  As the dues wave goodbye, I am again impressed with the group she’s narrowed it down for (minus Michael).  Drew and his Ken-doll hair are disappointed that he doesn’t get the one on one.  Michael is the next one on one, which I hope is a huge flop.  Zak and Drew get the next two on one, but I guess it doesn’t mean someone is going home from it.

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OMG NOW THEY ARE writing poetry together.  Maybe these two are made for each other even more than Des and Brooks…although I have a secret theory that she is getting sick of how sappy he is.  And he’s going to drop the L word.  They’re talking about family size…blah blah blah…he’s going to do it.  I’m getting hot and nervous OH WAIT, another poem.

“Expressed in writing and felt through touch,

enjoy this moment and embrace this rush.

The strongest word with so much meaning

not too hard to believe it’s true.

Our hearts are open and in every kiss,

I truly mean that I love you.”

And she LOVES it!  She says she’s falling for him and that she could see life with him – but unfortunately, I think she’s trying to convince herself.  A date with Michael is next – barf.  I’m not sure how I’ll be able to stand this date – after hearing her talk with the girls, we know she’s impressed with his career (lawyer).  There must have been so much edited out of her date with Ben, because if it had been only what we saw, he would be gone.  WHOA…WAIT…she just said Michael was the sweetest person she’d ever met – she said that about Drew 39 minutes ago!  WHAT?!  C’MON DES, get your men straight!  Now we’re on a Wendy’s commercial (btw, I hear the frosty in a waffle cone is delish) and I realize I haven’t been paying attention – back to it.  Michael was raised but a single mama, and doesn’t talk to his biological pops – he wouldn’t pay for the diabetes bills.  The truth about Michael’s past comes out – his gf cheated on him – even though I don’t like him, I feel bad, no one deserves that.  He found out through a facebook photo, they weren’t even being careful if that happened.  And how can you not fall in love when this gal is serenading you?

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TWO ON ONE!  DREW AND ZAK!  These two are my faves – and there is a rose on the date, but it doesn’t mean one goes home, so that’s cool.  Ugh, looks like they’re at a go kart track, man I would suck at this show.  Des wants Drew to let lose, and Zak to be himself in a group setting.  Drew and Zak are racing…it’s Zak in the lead…oh man he is leaving Drew in the dust.  I love how nice these dudes are being to each other.  Wait – Drew is going to drop the L bomb?!  Man, I didn’t realize we were here already!  I guess so with five, usually I feel like we’re down to three before they start flying.  Although Brandon introduced it way early in the game.  Ha ha ha ha ha – Des just said “Zak, since you won, would you like to go first?” That’s funny – obviously they’ll both get some one on one time. Zak drew pictures to represent their path so far (oh I guess they’re paintings).  He is ga ga, but doesn’t want the words “I love you” to come out today, because he respects her and Drew and that they’ll have to hang out together the rest of the day – what an awesome dude!

I wonder if anyone else finds it odd how many random pillows are placed around this country.

Drew is talking about his handicapped sister who can’t express herself – kinda close to my heart :-).  Des just nuzzled in OH HE SAID HE’S FALLEN IN LOVE!!  And she is happy.  They walk back to the blanken with Zak, and I love the respect these two dudes show each other.  Class acts all the way.  Drew gest the rose – poor Zak.  I bet he still gets one at the ceremony.

Chris Harrison is chatting with Des pre-rose ceremony, man oh man I hope it’s Michael.  If it isn’t, I bet it’s Zak, which will make me sups sad.  She said Drew is the best looking guy she’s ever met, and husband material.  And she likes all kindsa stuff about Brooks, she’s at the finish line. (?)  I think she might be drunk.  She isn’t afraid to be hurt, good for you Des!  You can’t go through life protecting yourself…well you can, but feeling, good or bad, is what makes it beautiful.  Okay, lets get out of that rabbit hole…

Bye bye MIchael, PLEASE bye bye Michael…

And we’re at the rose ceremony, Drew is the only one who has one so far.  Brooks has a rose…(I’m so nervous)…Chris has a rose…(come on, come on, say Zak)…ZAK!!!  YAY ZAK!!! ZAK HAS A ROSE!

WHEW.  Des (in her VERY sexy-backed blue dress) is walking him out.

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Michael’s sob story – he was ready to commit to her for life (weird) and make her happy for evs and evs.  Pretty amicable break-up, except that he really wanted her to kick it with his fam.  He says no girl will be able to match up to her, and she just wants him to leave (my insight, nothing she said).  Effing wah Michael, I don’t want to hear it.

I LOVE ALL FOUR OF THE DUDES SHE HAS LEFT!  NICE WORK DES!

(I’m so confused though – where is all the drama they mentioned last week?!)

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The Bachelor 2.11.13 – she-who-must-not-be-named.

The girls are in St. Croix.  Now THIS seems much more typical bachelor speed. Don’t read any further if you don’t want to know who hits the bricks tonight.

 
It pains me to write this somewhat, because it requires talking about Tierra, and I don’t like rewarding bad behavior.  Within the first five minutes, she’s dragging a collapsible bed into another room so she doesn’t have to share a room with any of the girls.  Then she calls AshLee a cougar.  Um, sorry Tierra, but there is NOTHING wrong with being 32.  I find 32 year olds to be quite lovely.
 
Desiree looks like Katie Holmes, does anyone else think so?
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Anyway, AshLee tells Sean the truth about Tierra, and he says he believes her…we’ll see, dishing the dirt is usually a one way ticket home.  Oooh…AshLee has a dark secret.  She’s divorced?  Has a kiddo?  Used to be a man (if so, NICE work!)?  Yep, divorce – she got married when she was 17.  Sean: “So you were a married high-school junior?  That’s…young.”  AHHH Sean still likes her!  He thinks he’s perfect!  Heart.  And, she is the first one to drop the L-bomb!  Wow, girlfriend is hooked.
 
Tierra really wanted a 1 on 1, but instead of being excited, she is complaining about her makeup running or something.  Okay, she is doing this on purpose.  No one is truly this irritating.  Did you know her eyebrow has a twitter?  Someone out there has a sense of humor.  I bet it’s Leslie.
 
I have to go on a bit of a rant here.  The mean girls have been the rulers of The Bachelor lately – Vienna won, Courtney won, and it looks like Tierra is doing pretty well.  With the exception of Courtney, they aren’t better looking than their competition, so I know it’s not something simple as the dudes are blinded by their beauty.  What is it?  And didn’t Sean learn from Ben/learned from Jake?  If all the girls in the house don’t like one girl, RED FLAG.  If the girl says other girls are jealous of her, RED FLAG.  If they don’t have female friends, RED FLAG.  It means they’re cray-cray!  (Learn from Kristen Wiig: “And all her friends are dudes” http://www.hulu.com/watch/282330).
 
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Okay – anyway…Tierra told Sean some BS, he believed it, we’re back to where we were before his conversation with AshLee.
 
Sean just showed up at the house at 442am to surprise the girls.  He has a camera.  “I hope none of them hit me” – at least he knew what he was in for!  I wonder what time they went to bed?  Sean’s dates are nuts, but I love that he’s out of the box…and being the first people in America to see the sunrise (they’re on the east side of the island) is pretty cute.  And now they travel west, where they will watch the sunset.  This date is awesome, all three girls are awesome (Catherine, Desiree, Lindsey) – nice work Sean.  Who would have guessed the wedding dress girl would make it this far?!  Beach chats are getting real emotional…sleep deprivation does that to you.  Wedding dress girl gets the rose!  
 
Leslie and Sean date – EEEEEEEEE!  If I haven’t said so already, I heart Leslie!
 
Oooh…Sean is talking to his sister about Tierra, AshLee is talking to Tierra about Tierra.  “GIRLS ARE JEALOUS!”  Tierra just said it!  CRAY-CRAY!  AshLee just asked “what can we do to roll tape,” because Tierra told her everyone in the house has talked about her, then turned around and said she didn’t say that.  I love it when they acknowledge that they are on a TV show, it happens so rarely (usually “this journey” or something cheesy like that).  They’re talking about the eyebrow…this is too much.  Tierra doesn’t smile because her face is tired.  Sean is coming…they’re still fighting…here he is…he finds her crying.  Figures.  I thought dudes didn’t like needy girls, why is he eating it up?
 
Sean’s sister told him if a girl can’t get along with other girls, that’s a problem…and he listened.  Awesome!  I wish my bro would go on the bachelor so I could be a guest (come on Jeff, what do you say???).
 
HE TOLD HER TO GO HOME!  Sean, I tip my hat to you.  I thought he was going to be a snoozer of a bachelor, but he’s actually been pretty entertaining…and he is smarter than the last few.  I wonder if she’ll show back up later though?  If not, I highly doubt she’ll show for ATFR.  Much like the woman on Travis’ season (I think?) who talked about her eggs rotting.  
 
No cocktail party?  I’d be pissed.  And on to the rose ceremony!  Lindsey’s already got a rose.  Des has a rose.  Catherine has a rose.  Leslie or AshLee…(the music is very dramatic)…NO!  NO!  Leslie doesn’t get a rose, are you kidding?  She was so awesome.  And I thought AshLee was doomed…WTF do I know.  I need another glass of wine.  So does Catherine – she said if he doesn’t want Leslie, why is she (Catherine) here…what a strange reaction.
 
SCENES. FROM. NEXT. WEEK. LOOK. AWESOME.
 
Night all!

Guilty pleasure: The Bachelor (2.4)

For post #2, I’m going to step away from the most important subject, to a subject that isn’t important at all…The Bachelor.  Oh how I love it, I wish I didn’t, but I do.  We all need a guilty pleasure, right? (don’t read if you haven’t watched yet – serious!)

 
Favorite moment right from the start – when Chris announces the ladies are going to meet Sean in…Montana.  I haven’t been to Montana, I’ve heard it’s awesome (from what they’ve shown on tonight’s episode, it is), but I can’t help but believe those chicks were expecting “Italy” or “Tahiti” to come out of Chris’ mouth.  They acted super excited, which made me laugh and almost lead to a very unfortunate treadmill incident.  Well played ladies, well played.
 
Pretty sure I went to elementary school with the girl who was just singing on Sean and the girl who wore the wedding dress’ date.  Weird.
 
So far my favorites are Leslie and Desiree, and I’m kind of digging Selma (maybe mostly because her name is Selma) – although I have a sneaking suspicion she is campaigning for next bachelorette.  Which would be interesting, since she won’t kiss anyone.  She’s got character and she’s a hottie – I’d watch.
 
Poor goats, to have a bunch of people who don’t know what they’re doing tugging on them.  Not a fan of that part 😦  The blue team loses and has to go home.  But later on…the blue team is invited to the party!! YAY!!  The red team is going to be PISSED.
 
…and they are.
 
Tierra…this girl acts like she’s never seen the show before.  Sean knows she’s being patient.  Things aren’t fair for her.  She feels like she’s being mislead.  YOU’RE ON A TV SHOW COMPETING WITH 25 WOMEN FOR ONE MAN.  She’s trying to be the villain, and she’s not even doing a good job – Courtney and Vienna could teach her a thing or two.  OMG…she is not sneaking up on Sean.  Stop.  NEEDY.  Now the 2 on 1 is a slap in the face?  Twenty minutes ago she was pumped to have it!  If she wins I’m done with this show.  NO I DON’T MEAN IT!  I’m sorry Bachelor, I take it back, I will never say it again.  Are we okay?
 
I also like AshLee.  I’m going to start going by KathLeen.  Sean is crazy about her.  Unfortunately, he is crazy about a lot of gals.  Oh no.  Catherine’s got game and Daniella is crying.  Do tears = rose??  Yes.  Cheap!  There was a 2 on 1 date, Jackie went home, I can’t talk about it.  Desiree feels like he gives roses to the girls who are having trouble.  Desiree is on to something.
 
Robyn tries to give it to Crown straight…she’s not worried, there are plenty of guys she can get engaged to.  Sean is going to get to the bottom of it, so he asks Leslie what’s going on with the girls.  Heart.  He wants some dirt – hey Sean, guess you should have kept that crazy Kacie around!
 
OMG OMG, rose ceremony…and so long Robyn.  
 
Less than 24 hours till the next episode!