Des’ Journey Comes to an End!


So this is how I feel – she can’t go with the other two, not when she straight up said she didn’t want to give her heart to anyone but him.  And IF he comes back, when will he do it (did he actually ever leave?)?  Will she still take people to meet her family?  And how will ABC drag this out for THREE HOURS.  Also, next bachelor – a sexy Venezuelan, perhaps??

We open on sad Des, in a flowing orange dress.  She is talking/crying with Chris, and says she is okay when people don’t ask – I remember that feeling from days gone by, not a good one.  Chris mentions that Drew and Chris are still here…Des isn’t sure she can be with either of them.  She’s had natural progression with Chris and feels comfortable with him.  Drew isn’t afraid to be his sweet self – I don’t think either are comparing with Brooks, and this is the face Des makes as she almost imperceptibly nods when Chris says “you want to continue on.”


It’s rose ceremony time – so this must be the day after Brooks broke up with her on the doc.  ABC hasn’t shown any tweets, are they being sensitive?

Drew and Chris arrive, both looking quite handsome.


Des is in front of them and there is a very pregnant pause.  As she starts to tell them he has left, she cannot keep the sadness out of her voice, but she pulls it together, op, never mind. She’s crying.  I would not be feeling good if I were Drew or Chris right now, I wonder if they realize how ga ga she was for him, or if they think she’s so upset because it is this late in the game and she’s worried no one wants to be with her.  Man, they have to feel like chopped liver.  Now Chris is talking about how he loves her so much and it is hard to watch her cry – this is just cruel.  Drew too, ready to propose, OMG this is killer!  “I’ll never leave Desiree.”  Now we’re back with Chris Harrison and the studio audience – so I guess the answer of how this is going to be dragged out for 3 hours has been answered.

A gal in the crowd is talking about how Brooks might come back now that he know how Des feels.  I think that is a load of B S.  He’s so insecure, that now that he knows she loves him it’s a completely different story?  What a pansy.

Des is taking the dudes on one more date before introducing them to her family.  Drew + Des + horses on the beach = awkward conversation.  “Have you been hanging out by the pool?” “No, just hanging out in my room.”  Des says something isn’t feeling right with Drew – Des I could have told you this three episodes ago.  She’s going to cut the cord…which is going to be tough, since he just said “Here is to being madly in love.”  Aaaaand she’s doing it.  Through the tears, she tells him she feels so lucky to have him in her life, but isn’t sure she can be 100% for him.  Just over Drew’s head, a thought bubble appears, saying “BACHELOR!”  Bet he wasn’t counting on the love affair bachelor nation has entered into with Juan Pablo.  He’s taking this awfully well for a dude who was certain he was ready to propose.  Ha ha ha “I really loved her.  I really do love her.”  I’m not buying it Drew.

It’s a day later, and Des is bikini clad and ready for Chris.  He’s her last chance, and she does seem more excited to see him than Drew.  I do like these two together (I may have said that before?) – she admits she feels different with him than with Drew.  For the first time so far this episode, she looks happy.


They are cuddling on the catamaran, and having fun, and ABC is cueing up the cheesy music.  You know, when they keep mentioning how cool it is, and how awesome it is, it seems they have nothing else to talk about.  Sad.  But I could be wrong…it’s evening now, and Des is enthusiastic about how the day went.  They’re talking about how happy they are with their progression, and Chris is excited to meet her family.  Ooh, Chris got her a journal, Zak beat you to the punch buddy.  He wrote a not inside the journal, and it is NOT a poem, we are making progress folks!  Oh – oh – there they are, the poems are in the back.  Well, at least we don’t have to hear them again.  She tells us in private that she feels so lucky to be receiving his love, and is breaking down because she’s never felt like anyone has loved her as much as she has loved them…this would be a REALLY awkward time for Brooks to reappear.  She told him she was the greatest man she’s ever know – that is a high compliment!

So I’ve been ffing through the studio audience part, but I see Leslie, Catherine and Sean!  They are still in love, they confirm (well the last two).  Everyone gives their thoughts – Leslie things she’s happy with Chris, Lyndsy is worried that she’s still all about Brooks.

Time for Chris to meet the fam, and Des prepares by, once again, staring out across the water.  Ooh, the bro is there, he looks somehow cleaner than last time we saw him.


The fam is asking tough questions, about Des having a stronger connection with the other guys, etc.  Chris is giving good answers – he says if you meet a girl in your hometown, she can be dating other guys – you just don’t see it.  Bro asks about the other guy, and Chris says Drew is a good guy.  Chris is a class act.  So weird that he doesn’t know Drew isn’t around anymore!  Pops gives Chris permission to ask for Des’ hand…I have kind of a sick feeling in my stomach.  Bro asks Des “Is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?” and Des says “At the moment, yes.”  WOW – brother approves and thinks he would be the right choice!  Bro says “there are a couple things we should probably talk about,” he is kind of hilarious.  He says when they talked in LA, she was excited about Brooks.  Nice that Des can talk about it without crying, although she says it took her a long time to get over it, which is weird b/c how long has it been, 3 days?

If Brooks is coming back, he’s better hop to it, we’ve only got 21 mins left.  Okay Des and Chris are both in their final meeting outfits – is this really it?  Is Brooks not showing up?  Maybe she turns Chris down and he proposes at ATFR – I just don’t know what to think right now.  She says she is scared that once Chris learns the truth about how she felt about Brooks, everything will change.

Des has got a bangin’ bod.  We’ve seen her perfect tummy in her swimsuits, and she looks amazing in that dress.  Chris arrives in the limo and exhales a deep breath, he is so nervous!  “The first time I met Des I was down on one knee, and this time I’m not kidding.”  He wants to hear her say “I love you.”  They look good together.


I guess they’re going to let Chris spill his guts before she tells him that he’s a nice consolation prize to Brooks…but she has stopped him from getting on his knee – that is better than the awkwardness that was Ben and Ashley.  Des tells Chris that Drew is gone, I bet he is so confused.  She admits that she loved Brooks, and was torn between the two of them.  OH!  “I feel like I was so blindsided by my feelings for Brooks that I couldn’t see that the one thing I needed was right in front of me.”  Okay, did Des have help from one of the show’s writers for that one??  I cannot believe this is happening.  She loves him.  She loves him so much.  WOW.  What’s it been, like a week?  Now he’s going to propose.  I can’t help it, I’m not buying it.  Sad, because I really like her and Chris together – but WOW that was a really enthusiastic kiss after she said yes.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  I’m so happy, but still not certain Des isn’t putting on a show.  And Reality Steve was WRONG!  Unless this is a Mesnick style ATFR.  Here is the happy couple (last pic, I’m tired of getting off the couch).



I am still a bit in shock, and it isn’t all weird and quiet, so they must still be together after Brooks saw that he was more or less runner-up to Brooks.  I’m interested to hear how Chris felt watching last week’s episode.  Des is blaming her feelings for Brooks on the thrill of the chase.  Brooks is there, YES!  Ah, train wrecks.  He sits beside her and says he is nervous.  Des is sitting on her left hand!  Just kidding ;-).  She did ask him what happened between hometowns and Antigua to change his mind – if I were Chris, not sure how I’d feel about that.  Overall, Brooks feels like he was honest and Des has no regrets – he looks relieved to hear that she is engaged to Chris, and says he could see in the way she looked at Chris.  That went as smoothly as it could have.

Drew’s turn to act like he really cared.  He has no resentments or regrets – not a surprise, when you were in pretend love.  Apparently they had in-depth conversations – I wonder why ABC didn’t let us see those.  Ha – Chris asks Drew if he is still in love with Des, and he gives a very quick “no.”  I feel like there is normally some more contemplation and a round-about answer to that question.  Drew, stick to modeling, acting is not your thing.  What – a first look at fall’s new show Betrayal?  Time to get a snack.  But the couch is so comfy…

Here comes Chris!  He trusts their love 100% and says they’ve built something great since the show.  They both get a titch teary watching their proposal.  Des is moving to Seattle this weekend, they’ve already gotten their own place!  They want to start together, vs. her moving into Chris’ place.  OH NO…Chris has a gift, is it a poem is a poem it IS!  I’m so glad this season is over.


The next bachelor…is…

JUAN PABLO!!  And the crowd goes wild (seriously!)


Overnight Dates and DRAMA!

“It’s part one of the shocking conclusion of the Bachelorette” – from Chris Harrison himself (sounds kind of familiar…).  Unfortunately, some jerkface put the ending via Reality Steve on Facebook.  On FACEBOOK!  A whole two weeks before the end!  So I believe I know what happens and what Des is up to now (I’ll put this spoiler at the bottom, after a lot of spaces, if you want to know).  Ooh, “The television event of the summer starts right now.” Chris has gotten some new material.

Fairy tale!  Drink!  Des is standing on a sailboat looking longingly into her future, I’m sure.  Since Zak is gone, I guessing we can get through this episode without anyone singing – although Chris is still around, so there will probably still be some poetry.  I guess I’m not a romantic.  Flashbacks from the season – they’re showing Brian (right?) the guy whose girlfriend showed up.  I read that they are back together – come on girl, have some self respect.

First date is Drew – lots of “wow this place is amazing” – I feel like these two are still a little awkward together for how far along in this journey we are – he might be going home next.  Des is going on about how good looking Drew is – abs, eyes, face – Amen sister.


“You’re sincere, you’re honest, blah blah blah” – seems forced to me.  Now it’s gotten dark, and they are kissing beneath an umbrella in the rain – why do I like this show?  Des declares you can feel the love from Drew’s lips.  Hmmmm.  Now they’re talking about how the rain won’t ruin their evening oh my GOODNESS this is a snooze.  Fantasy suite card comes out and bow-chicka-wow-wowwwwww.  Drew is enthusiastically in.  They’re so boring, I’m not even going to write about what they’re saying.  Amazing, princess, you get the idea.  They both know Drew is ready to propose, and he kicks the camera guys out (“Okay guys, time to leave”) – that was a little bit funny.

And suddenly we’re back in Idaho, where Brooks is strolling through the park looking forlorn, because he isn’t ready to tell Desiree that he loves her.  You know, everyone does the stressed-out-stroll on this show.  No one ever just has a cigarette.


Brooks isn’t comfortable with proposing at the end of this, and doesn’t want to answer the question “Do you love Desiree.”  Definitely a problem.  Sis tells him he knows the answer.  Sis is smart.  More or less, it sounds like if this was a regular relationship, Brooks would be fine – things are happening, but not fast enough for the Bachelorette (“Hello” to “Will you marry me?” in six weeks!).  Mom and sis encourage him to have that tough conversation and tell Des the truth.

Hey this is how my dog is sitting to watch with me – he’s pretty funny, huh?

Chris’ date – I hope they aren’t as boring as Drew’s date, they’ve been less than thrilling in the past…although I did find it endearing with the two of them for some reason.  They’re off to explore Antigua (which apparently is pronounced without the “u”?) in a helicopter to Barbuda for a picnic on the beach – I kind of miss Sean and his zany dates.  They’re laying in the sand making out – that cannot be comfortable, and Des is going to need a real thorough shower before the fantasy suite knowwhatImean?  I do like them together.  Listening to Chris talk about how much he loves her tugs at my heartstrings a bit, much more so than with Drew.


They’re at dinner, and Chris just asked Des how she feels about moving to Seattle.  This might be a deal-breaker for Des, she really likes CA – but now she says she can do what she wants anywhere, and is definitely open to it.  Des says there is an easiness with her and Chris – I knew it.  Their fantasy suite is pretty kickass and ON NO IT’S ANOTHER POEM!  It was more of a letter, so not too bad.  Lots of pool kissing.

Dun dun dunnnnnnn…Brooks is here, and is talking with Chris.  I wonder who Chris thinks is the biggest tool he’s met on the show, it’s been a lot of seasons!  Chris straight up asks “Are you not in love with this girl?” and Brooks can’t answer…Chris says he’s hearing that Des is not the girl for Brooks.  It’s taking him a while to admit it, but he finally says he doesn’t think Des is the love of his life.  He admits he’s been ready to get married before and it didn’t work out, so obviously he’s felt stronger for another woman in the past than he is feeling for Des.  He’s feeling the guilt and getting teary.  They’re dragging this out a little loooooong.  Chris tells him to man up and have the conversation with Des, and Brooks agrees, as soon as he can.  Despite his best efforts, he can’t force love.

Oh ABC, you are so cruel, letting Des go on and on about how crazy she is about Brooks.  She definitely saved the hot outfit for Brooks – so jealous of her stomach!


She is so excited to see him, and he’s upset right off the bat – at least he didn’t waste any time letting her know something was wrong, and there weren’t a bunch of awkward “How are you?”s like when Emily gave Arie the fantasy date boot.  He’s telling her all the shit people say to people when they’re sorry to be hurting them, the stuff that makes the dumpee say “Well then why don’t you want me?”  Poor Des.  I think she wants him to get to the point, as she asks how he really feels.  I think she really is sad, but I also wonder if part of her is thinking about how she’ll be the first bachelor/bachelorette to go home empty-handed, since she’s straight up said he is the frontrunner.  OOOHHhhh, why now – she’s getting pissed!  Des has her knees up on the bench in front of her and her head in her knees – this is really very sad.  She just whispered “I don’t know what to say.  I love you.” and he asks why she didn’t say it earlier – WTF would that have mattered?!  If that would have made a difference, it makes me think that Brooks was just a big chicken, afraid to say it first if it might not have been said back.  Des says she’s never felt completely loved by anyone.  So much sadness.


If she wanted to feel completely loved, maybe she should have kept Brandon around – HEY-O!

“I don’t care that you just broke my heart – I love you.”  Ouch.  And more crying, even by Brooks by himself.  Now they’re walking, and Des says the only reason for her being conflicted throughout this process is because she didn’t want to share her heart, she wanted to give it to him.  Brooks says he’ll shut up b/c he’s not helping, and Des agrees.  Ah, angry Des.  And one last, long hug goodbye.  Oh wait there is another one.  Des speed-walks out to the pier, and gets a moment’s privacy (likely only because there are no camera men in the water) while we watch Brooks cry and swear.

Des ends the show saying it breaks her heart knowing she has two dudes who do love her, but she can’t love them the way she loved Brooks – for her, it’s over.

So – according to the previously mentioned jerk on fb who posted Reality Steve’s spoiler (don’t read any further if you don’t want to know)…








Brooks and Des are together and engaged.  My guess is she gives the other two dudes the boot and Brooks comes back ever-so regretful of his decision.  Till next week!

Time for Des to Meet the Families!

WOOHOO!  It’s our favorite weeknight!  Time for the Bachelorette.  I’m getting increasingly worried Des is going to be standing alone at the end…so tempting to read the spoilers, but I know I’ll regret it if I give in!

We start out in Texas for Zak’s hometown date.  My prediction is he’ll be the one to go this week, although I myself would not make that choice (he’s so funny and cute!).  Des is remembering Zak and his shirtless first meeting and can’t believe she’s meeting his family – she is also nervous about meeting his sis (smart man – the big sisters are tough to impress).  Zak is telling Des about a dream involving a lot of precipitation…Okay I don’t even know where to take that, so lets move on.  WAIT – we can’t move on…he has a family snow cone business!  That is what he was hinting (?) at.  There are a munch of school kids asking for snow cones and Des wants to start throwing them – they aren’t chickens Des.  But speaking of birds, now Zak is in a penguin suit.  This is a weird date.


And here we are at Zak’s parents’ house!  The sister doesn’t seem so scary, there is a lot of squealing.  Zak’s bro looks like Freddie Prinze JR (thank’s Laura ;-)).  Wow – Zak says he’s been completely naked 3 times – Mom doesn’t look surprised at all, and sis asks Des if she’s seen him completely naked.  This is some family meal!  Des and mama are one on one for a few, then Des and sis, and they all seem to be fans of each other.  Zak is talking to his mama, and he does seem pretty ga ga for Des.  You can tell by his expressive eyebrows.  Oh God…they’re all going to sing to her…awkward turtle.  Wait a minute…Zak has an ulterior motive!  He wants his family bad to be famous!

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You know when you’re in the car with someone, maybe on a road trip, and you’re singing along to the radio, but then it gets weird because they start to sing like they’re trying out for the opera?  Or maybe just American Idol?  That’s the weird vibe I’m getting from sis.  But thankfully they’re done, Zak gives her a promise ring, asks her to prom, and tells her he loves her.  Awwwww.

DREW!  I’ve missed you!  By the way – if you haven’t searched google images for photos of Drew Kenney, you should.  Goodness.  Here’s his Twitter profile pic – which might make him a little bit of a douche bag (but I still love him).

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First they’re going to see Drew’s sister, who is (his words) severely mentally handicapped, and can’t communicate.  Oh my goodness!  She (Melissa) is so excited to see them!  She is holding Drew’s hand so tight, it almost makes me want to cry.  ABC shows their relationship beautifully, well done ABC.  Now everyone is sitting outside at dinner, and Drew is reliving how uncool he played it when he got out of the limo and forgot to tell her his name.  Drew is chatting with mom and Des is hanging out with Dad.

Dad: “Do you believe in angels?”
Des: “I do.”
Dad: “Have you ever met one?”
Des: “No.”
Dad: “Yes you have.  Melissa.”

Dad talks about how Melissa has taught them so much.  They’re both getting a little bit teary.  Drew tells mom he can see himself getting down on a knee for her, and she seems really happy about it.  Dad gives Drew the go-ahead to propose as well.  Hmmm…I’m just slightly suspicious of Drew – he is a model, and he has the Jake Pavelka “I’m a super duper nice guy!” thing going.  But I still love him, and would DEF watch him as The Bachelor.  Okay he kind of word-vomited “I love you” at her.  See, now I think he’s genuine, I just can’t figure it out!  And he likes Dave Matthews (via his Twitter).

Off to Oregon for Chris’ hometown…he is wandering through the park, being sensitive and picking flowers.  First they’re going to play some baseball – ish, good thing Joel didn’t hold athletic ability as a requirement for a wife or I would still be a single lady.  They do seem liek they’re having a lot of fun together.  Oh, Des just said she is having a blast, it’s like we’re telepathic.  Chris thinks his family has quirks – he must not have heard about Zak’s family!  The father is a chiropractor and wants to give her an adjustment – it freaks Des out, but this would be a major selling point for me!  Now Dad is working on Chris, and this is happening…

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Chris and his sis are trashing the ex – well the sis is, Chris seems a little let down that no one liked her (?!).  Aw, Mom just told how Chris wanted it to be Des before he left, and how he text her from the airport when he found out it was!  Strangely timed wellness treatments aside, I have a good feeling about these two.  And Des says she doesn’t want to leave him.

Now it’s time for Brooks’ family – the previews have been making it look like he’s not as into him as he thinks he should be.  He is striding up a hill and staring longingly into the distance from a bridge – CHEESY.  Whoa – she just said to the camera “I love Brooks…” ?!  He’s having trouble because he doesn’t have time to explore his feelings – maybe he’s not a live in the moment type of person, and Des seems very much so.  Des made him a list of great moments – this seems backwards.  I guess she did make drawings for Chris.  Hey!  Brooks as they same green Old Town canoe we have!  I wonder if his has drips of paint all over b/c it was beneath the deck when someone painted it as well.

There are so many people to meet Des that they are wearing name tags!  And she gets a group hug right off the bat.

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Des talks to Mom, Brooks talks to Dad, thank goodness we’re on the last one, this is getting old!  Actually, Dad and bro are asking Brooks good questions – if Des was gone from your life, how would he feel (high gainer? if you don’t work at space, that won’t be funny).  Brooks tells us how mama’s opinion is the most important, and Mama tells Brooks that Des asked her if he was ready for marriage.  Brooks says he is pleasantly surprised about how he feels about that with Des.  Brooks is excited for the future and doesn’t want Des to leave – I think he’s the only one who hasn’t said he loves her yet.

Before the rose ceremony, Des is meeting with (gasp!) her brother Nate.  The one who was a jerk to Sean, and basically got Des booted.  He straight out says “I want to get in their heads” and Desiree isn’t going for it.  Yawn – I’m over him.  Filler.  She’s going to consider him meeting them.

OKAY GUYS, OKAY OKAY OKAY!  We’re back in LA for the rose ceremony, and Des and Chris (Harrison) are chatting.  My guess is Zak is going home.  Okay wait – I think Des just said she was hoping for a proposal with Brooks, but after Chris’ hometown was unsure.  So does that mean Zak and Drew are more or less out?  And here…we…go!!!

Rose #1 – Brooks
Rose #2 – Chris
Rose #3 –


I knew it – but poor Zak.  Such a sweet dude.  He’s shocked, and I want to laugh at his crazy faces, but I feel to sad for him.  She is telling him how much he deserves, I’m sure that makes him feel better.  She gives the promise ring back.

ACK I couldn’t help it!

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Des is Down to Five!

YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH IT’S BACHELORETTE TIME!  The previews are rife with strife – my gal Morgan has a theory that all the sadness is a faker – maybe they’re pretending to be in a soap opera or something.  I think she’s sups smart and maybe on to something.  OMG I really hope Michael goes home this week.

My predictions for the final three: Drew, Chris, Brooks.  I really like Zak too, but I think Des is more into the other three.  Wow, is she already down to five?  “Look at the fish?  Oh wow!” I don’t think these dudes would normally be that excited about some minnows.  OMG!  GIRLFRIENDS FROM LAST SEASON?!  Catherine, Jackie and Leslie are there – I love it!!!  Catherine and Sean are best friends – glad she updated us on that.  I don’t remember Jackie.  But she thinks Drew is a cutie, and I agree.  She has narrowed it down to a good group (minus Michael).  They’re now talking who has the best body (Des says Drew – agreed), best eyes, etc…Catherine asks about the best BEEP – aw I love me some girl time 🙂  Des’ guess is Chris.

First one on one is with Brooks – these two seem pretty nuts about each other. Chris agrees (he says he can tell they have a connection).  I do like Brooks, but I get a bit of a creeper vibe from him, I don’t know why.


Des and Brooks are driving above the clouds, and are super excited about it.  I remember a similar experience in my life (domestic through – rocky mts) – I did not enjoy it so much, I was more worried about plummeting to my death.  There was no railing, no railing!  Anyway…

Brooks is straight up asking the tough questions – where are we between like and love – I appreciate his ballsiness (new word!).  Someone cue “On the wings of LOVE, up and above the clouds…” OOPS! That’s Jake’s season. 😉


Date card is here, and it’s Chris.  “Lets ‘sea’ if we can find love here.”  He’s pumped.  Back to Brooks and Des – where the heck is Madera anyway?  Ooh, I spelled it wrong, but it’s off of Portugal – I know because I searched, that is what you call a multiscreen experience folks.  Okay, enough of the biz talk.    I had to check facebook for a minute, and when I came back Brooks was excited that des says she was running…after rewinding twice, “running” represents how fast she is moving toward love.  But he doesn’t know if he’s ready to run until after she meets his fam.

Date day with Chris – who is head over heals.  How is a guy this good looking still this desperately single?!  As the dues wave goodbye, I am again impressed with the group she’s narrowed it down for (minus Michael).  Drew and his Ken-doll hair are disappointed that he doesn’t get the one on one.  Michael is the next one on one, which I hope is a huge flop.  Zak and Drew get the next two on one, but I guess it doesn’t mean someone is going home from it.


OMG NOW THEY ARE writing poetry together.  Maybe these two are made for each other even more than Des and Brooks…although I have a secret theory that she is getting sick of how sappy he is.  And he’s going to drop the L word.  They’re talking about family size…blah blah blah…he’s going to do it.  I’m getting hot and nervous OH WAIT, another poem.

“Expressed in writing and felt through touch,

enjoy this moment and embrace this rush.

The strongest word with so much meaning

not too hard to believe it’s true.

Our hearts are open and in every kiss,

I truly mean that I love you.”

And she LOVES it!  She says she’s falling for him and that she could see life with him – but unfortunately, I think she’s trying to convince herself.  A date with Michael is next – barf.  I’m not sure how I’ll be able to stand this date – after hearing her talk with the girls, we know she’s impressed with his career (lawyer).  There must have been so much edited out of her date with Ben, because if it had been only what we saw, he would be gone.  WHOA…WAIT…she just said Michael was the sweetest person she’d ever met – she said that about Drew 39 minutes ago!  WHAT?!  C’MON DES, get your men straight!  Now we’re on a Wendy’s commercial (btw, I hear the frosty in a waffle cone is delish) and I realize I haven’t been paying attention – back to it.  Michael was raised but a single mama, and doesn’t talk to his biological pops – he wouldn’t pay for the diabetes bills.  The truth about Michael’s past comes out – his gf cheated on him – even though I don’t like him, I feel bad, no one deserves that.  He found out through a facebook photo, they weren’t even being careful if that happened.  And how can you not fall in love when this gal is serenading you?


TWO ON ONE!  DREW AND ZAK!  These two are my faves – and there is a rose on the date, but it doesn’t mean one goes home, so that’s cool.  Ugh, looks like they’re at a go kart track, man I would suck at this show.  Des wants Drew to let lose, and Zak to be himself in a group setting.  Drew and Zak are racing…it’s Zak in the lead…oh man he is leaving Drew in the dust.  I love how nice these dudes are being to each other.  Wait – Drew is going to drop the L bomb?!  Man, I didn’t realize we were here already!  I guess so with five, usually I feel like we’re down to three before they start flying.  Although Brandon introduced it way early in the game.  Ha ha ha ha ha – Des just said “Zak, since you won, would you like to go first?” That’s funny – obviously they’ll both get some one on one time. Zak drew pictures to represent their path so far (oh I guess they’re paintings).  He is ga ga, but doesn’t want the words “I love you” to come out today, because he respects her and Drew and that they’ll have to hang out together the rest of the day – what an awesome dude!

I wonder if anyone else finds it odd how many random pillows are placed around this country.

Drew is talking about his handicapped sister who can’t express herself – kinda close to my heart :-).  Des just nuzzled in OH HE SAID HE’S FALLEN IN LOVE!!  And she is happy.  They walk back to the blanken with Zak, and I love the respect these two dudes show each other.  Class acts all the way.  Drew gest the rose – poor Zak.  I bet he still gets one at the ceremony.

Chris Harrison is chatting with Des pre-rose ceremony, man oh man I hope it’s Michael.  If it isn’t, I bet it’s Zak, which will make me sups sad.  She said Drew is the best looking guy she’s ever met, and husband material.  And she likes all kindsa stuff about Brooks, she’s at the finish line. (?)  I think she might be drunk.  She isn’t afraid to be hurt, good for you Des!  You can’t go through life protecting yourself…well you can, but feeling, good or bad, is what makes it beautiful.  Okay, lets get out of that rabbit hole…

Bye bye MIchael, PLEASE bye bye Michael…

And we’re at the rose ceremony, Drew is the only one who has one so far.  Brooks has a rose…(I’m so nervous)…Chris has a rose…(come on, come on, say Zak)…ZAK!!!  YAY ZAK!!! ZAK HAS A ROSE!

WHEW.  Des (in her VERY sexy-backed blue dress) is walking him out.


Michael’s sob story – he was ready to commit to her for life (weird) and make her happy for evs and evs.  Pretty amicable break-up, except that he really wanted her to kick it with his fam.  He says no girl will be able to match up to her, and she just wants him to leave (my insight, nothing she said).  Effing wah Michael, I don’t want to hear it.


(I’m so confused though – where is all the drama they mentioned last week?!)

Des’ Dudes get Interesting

Here I ago again – lets hope Desiree’s and the boys have stepped it up a bit in my one week hiatus (although I could have gone on and one about what a jerk Michael was during last week’s two on one – she should have booted him and Ben both – but I don’t like to reward bad behavior).  Supposedly James’ true colors show this week – I’m not surprised.  Although I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, learned that lesson from The Sheltering Sky (have you read? ICK).

The crew is in Barcelona, a city which is “incredibly romantic” (aren’t they all).  OMG Michael is talking again…bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.  Man, I love Drew, but why does he have to Ken Doll his hair?  
Oh, he gets the first date!!  I wonder if he has to leave the rest of the dudes drinking beers outside to get ready?  Now he and Des are kissing, which she likes – she kisses a lot.  Drew gets a bit teary talking about his alcoholic father – maybe she should kiss him again.  Pretty awesome that his recovered alcoholic pops is helping other people with the same problem now.  Drew says not many people know his farther has cancer…oops, not anymore.  I’m glad these two are showing some chemistry, I like him and haven’t seen much of them yet.  Unbelievable (DRINK)…thanks for opening up (DRINK)…whoa, he just drung her into an alley and pushed her up against a wall – he’s pulling out the big guns!
Group date card!  Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Michael, James and Juan Pablo – that means Zak gets the one on one.  Poor Juan Pablo is sad, he hasn’t had a 1 on 1.  Drew is going to tell Des about James wanting to be the next bachelor – but he waits till AFTER he gets the rose, smart man!  They’re blurring out all Des’ good swearing – my guess is she just said “f*#$ing d@!khead.”
They’re playing soccer for the group date – no wonder Juan is on this one – he’s played professionally.  I think Chris and Zak were pro baseball players, lots of athletes on this one.  HA HA HA!!  Brooks (who I think Des likes a LOT) just said Juan Pablo’s name directly translates to “I’m going after Desiree and you have no chance.”  Even better – he did it in a bad Latin accent.  Awesome.  Damn he’s hot (JP).  Everyone is belittling the girls team they’re playing against…I have a feeling they might be sandbagging…yep, yep, now it’s 5-2, chicks in the lead.  The smack-talk turns to James, who is playing a half-assed goalie.  You know, if anyone is there trying to be the next bachelor, it’s probably JP – maybe he’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it.
Chris and Des are once again exchanging poetry, do people really do this after high-school   Anyone?  A dude wrote me a poem in college once, I ran the other way.  Kasey is going to confront James – kudos to him for putting it out there.  Brooks is “lost in a moment with Desiree” (maybe he should be the writer) and the rest of the dudes are fighting.  I’m sure glad Kasey has stopped using hashtags all the time.  Michael just said he hasn’t been confrontational before now, where has he been…I cannot stand him.  James is yelling and dropping f-bombs – not making yourself look good, James.  Now Kasey “has to tell Des” – I wonder if the bachelorettes/bachelors ever feel like counselors.
Des sends the dudes (except James) home, no rose.  She tells James she believes everything the dudes have told her he’s said.  He’s totally throwing Mikey under the bus – this will be fun to see on the ATFR episode!!  I can’t tell if James is really crying, he’s trying though.  She decides she needs to sleep on it.  Don’t fall for it Des, as a very wise (?) woman once said, players only love you when they’re playin’.  James is back and says “Gentlemen…good night.”  Dun dun dunnnnnnnn…
I heart Zak – I can’t believe he was the topless guy in the first episode.  He’s so not macho now, but I dig his show.  They’re drawing, badly, but they’re having a good time.  Enter male model in robe and…it’s OFF!  Nakedness on the bachelorette, not in the usual way.  He’s taking multiple poses, this is kind of hilarious.  Zak just left the room giggling, I KNEW it he’s back in the robe…and…well at least he’s wearing underwear.  Now they are at the run of the mill pillow-and-candle adorned dinner spot.  Man I wish Joel would come in from the garage, so comfy and I need a glass of wine.  Anyway – Zak’s mom is a bundle of joy, and his pops is responsible adn loving.  They both (say they) have an adventurous spirit.  “It feels so good to be in a cave with you” – now that’s love!  Seriously, the sparks are flying.  And Zak makes lots of wide-eyed faces.
OMG MAN…JAMES IS TALKING TO DREW…Drew is defending his lady’s honor.  Argue argue argue, blah blah blah.  Super awkward the next day, and Zak starts talking about how happy he is – I love him.  Des grabs James, and the voiceover tells us she’s giving him the boot.  Ooh, kind of awkward that he’s going on about how great she is.  He means what he says, BS, Des, did you learn nothing from Stevie Nicks?!  “James can sell ice to an eskimo” – Kasey is #ontohim.  Oh man, he’s got underboob sweat, Des, never fall for a player with underboob sweat. Chris just asked “what did you guys talk about?” are ya serious?  Come on Zak, be funny!  Now he’s telling the guys what he said, but it isn’t what he said (even Joel noticed).  James just said “it’s reality” — sorry buddy, nothing about this whole business is reality.  You can tell these dudes have nothing else to do for six weeks, this is the dumbest argument ever.  MICHAEL STOP TALKING.    
If Des knows what is good for her, she will send James home – I think she’s stronger when he’s not talking to her one on one.  I have faith in her.  All these ad people on the show – I hope one day one of them calls on us (that really did happen once – Susan from Travis’ season met with me when she was repping a travel site.  It was awesome! picture does not do her justice).
And the roses go to Chris (no surprise), Brooks (no surprise), Drew’s got one…Michael, ugh, oh gross, seriously over Juan Pablo?!  JP?!  Des Des Des…well, at least James is going.  Juan Pablo for next bachelor!!  He’s even teary.  UGH I cannot stand Michael…”he was found guilty, case dismissed.”  Shut it.  Zak just made another killer face when Des announced they were going to an island, but I’m too pooped to get a picture.  Ooh!  She dropped “fairy tale” in the scenes from next week, haven’t heard that from her for a while!  WOW, looks like some MAJOR drama is coming, concerning Drew…am I falling victim to the editors at ABC?  We shall see!

Des’ Season – Episode 3

I’m just starting up the bachelorette at almost 9pm…I have a text from my pal Laura saying she hopes I use the word “palpable” in my summary, so that sounds interesting.  And I can’t WAIT for the other woman to show up!!!

“Love is a Battlefield” is the subject of the first date card – I hope they’re going to a Pat Benatar concert!  Nope, they’re paying dodgeball with the national team.  Looks ouchie.  Des likes seeing guys in their natural state – I think she thinks she’s at a hot guy zoo.  Brandon is so cute, I think he is too needy for her though.  Ooh and Drew, I like Drew (third episode is when I start to learn their names).  Now they have to go somewhere public to play, what a pain, I would Selma myself out of there.  OMG…in the scramble for the ball, Brooks pulled his groin or something.  Or wait it’s his finger, I’m not sure why he is laying on the ground and there is an ice back near is crotch.  Might as well put Brooks’ name on the date rose!  Oh Drew just said it was palpable (what was palpable, I’m not sure), now I get it Laura!  It’s down to Chris (red) and Zach (blue)…blue team wins!  But Des decides to take all of them to the party, I bet the blue team is pissed.
Here is the very dramatic images of the hospital, flashing lights…must have been a long drive, because it is dark now.  Now Brooks has got his legs apart, I’m not convinced it doesn’t have something to do with his groin.  But back to the date – XXX has a three year old son (I missed the name), he said he wouldn’t be there if anyone but Des was the bachelorette – wow, pulling out all the stops.  Ooh, and a domestic violence restraining order, yikes (for trying to stop his drunken girlfriend from driving, he says).  XXX is cute!  Des is REALLY impressed that Chris found the stairs to the roof.  Brooks is back, still in his red dodgeball uniform, which is funny.  Ah!  XXX = Brad, glad we got that cleared up.  And Chris gets the rose!  I’m impressed!  Des and Chris get a private concert, but it is not Pat Benatar.
Okay, next day, Des is hanging out drawing or writing or something.  Chris has called – it’s “other woman” time!!!  Who is it who is it who is it…Brian?  I don’t know if I’ve seen this dude before.  Chris just walked the girlfriend through the group of men, this is awesome.  “Hi.  I’m Brian’s girlfriend” as she goes to shake Des’ hand, but Des goes right in for the hug.  OH!  He told her he was going to a business meeting!  AHHH everyone is talking – Steph is going off, even Chris Harrison can’t reel her in.  She said they slept together two nights before he went out there…and he confirmed.  Bye bye Brian.  One less boulder sized dude on this season of the bachelorette.  One of the dudes just said they have left daughters and sons to be there – whose got a daughter?  Okay, Kasey’s (the hashtag dude) date.  He confirms that he is, in fact, there for the right reason.    Brandon is in tears because it reminds him of his father figures that would disappear.  Very sad, I’m kind of worried about that dude.  I wonder how much Steph the single mom from NYC got paid to fly to LA and confront Brian.
Kasey’s date for real this time.  People are doing vandeloop (?), basically rappelling dancing on a building (what up Bachelor Pad!).  Soon Des and Kasey are the people, and they seem kind of bored with it.  At dinner, it’s real windy, and the water in the pool is cold – not going well.  He goes in for the kill, and they aren’t playing any music – ABC isn’t helping Kasey out at all.  They’re ending the date, but he does get the rose.
Small group date today – Juan Pablo is on this date, we haven’t seen much of him (my theory is because he is hard to understand, so doesn’t make for good air time).  Jeez, all five of these dudes are so bulky.  Des is on a deck in a dress, and she just threw a dude through the railing – Zak thought it was hot.  Des sees the dudes in their cowboy clothes and decides no more street clothes for them – Des is pretty cool.  Oh, the stunt team for the movie the Lone Ranger, more product placement.  Does the Bachelor franchise seem to be doing more of these these days?  So we’ve got Zak, Juan Pablo, Bryden, James, and Dan, whose pants split when he was getting on the horse (they’re acting like cowboys).  Juan Pablo does his whole cowboy scene in Spanish, including whispering in Des’ ear, not fair.  It does him well, he gets the extra one on one time with des.  The Lone Ranger is out July 3, there, that’s some buzz they can notch on their social media bedpost.  OH!  DES WENT IN FOR THE KISS!  That was amazing – I like a girl who goes for what she wants.  They look good together.  Night time now, and one on one time with Bryden and Zak goes well.  James is telling her about his pops, who is sick, and wants to know that he isn’t wasting his time.  That’s a risk, she can either say “oh, just keep being you,” or she can say “you’re so worried, you should go home.”  Luckily for James, it’s the former, and he gets the rose.  He gives her a daisy in exchange – that’s cute.
Chris Harrison has canceled the cocktail party for a laid back pool party.  Oh Ben, are you about to do something douchy…oh, he meets Des outside and asks for a 15 min car ride.  Now the dudes have seen them kissing and Michael is pissed – Michael needs to get over his Ben issues.  Chris (maybe Zach? not sure) just opened up a box of pizza that says on the top “Will you be my girlfriend, or is this too cheesy?” – these guys are funny!  Oh here is the douchyness – Ben isn’t admitting he already talked to her.  Mikey calls him out OH MICHAEL STOP TALKING.  Brandon is talking about not letting Des get hurt, I think they were right to make him the Casey “guard and protect” character in last week’s rap.  OMG OMG he just told her he was falling in love with her – too soon Brandon!
Rose ceremony time.  I vote for Drew, Chris, Zak, and Brooks.  And Bryden and Juan Pablo.  I think Brandon is going to take it hard if she lets him go, but probably even harder when she lets him go next week.  Bryden’s got one…Juan Pablo’s got one…Zak…Brooks…Drew (!), Zach, Brad, Michael (COME ON Des, are you kidding me?!), Mikey and…(I’m calling Ben)…BEN!  Oh no, Brandon, poor Brandon, he looks heartbroken, such a sad puppy.  Bye to Dan as well.  Des has followed a very upset Brandon out, and says she wanted it to be now, not later, because she didn’t feel the chemistry.  He’s in love with her (?!) but she didn’t feel it.  “Once again someone left me” – I think Brandon needs some counseling.  I am sad for him.  I hope the scenes from next week are good, ending on a downer.
Do they make people say “I’m not here to make friends”?  Every season!

Des’ Season – Episode 2




My first time writing the bachelorette blog post while using my treadmill w/ table, EEEEEEEEE so excited!  I feel skinnier already.

The dudes are in the house.  There are many bro-comments and bro-backslaps.  I hope the dudes step it up in this episode – I was not excited after the last one.  There seem to be a lot of ken-doll hair styles in this crew.  First date card – and it’s Brooks.  Princess Desire is drawing to kill time before her date, and now she’s off in the product placement car.  Now she has to hug all 20 guys before going on her date with Brooks awkward!  Ooh, product placement car again.  Is Bentley trying to appeal to a younger, poorer audience?  The CRV from Ben’s season made more sense to me.
Brooks’ date!  Wedding dresses on the first episode, ABC no one will buy the cow…OMG can you imagine if a chick suggested this as a first date in real life?  Another question…you know how people say there should be a drinking game where you drink every time someone says “journey” or “amazing”?  I think they should add every time Desiree references being a princess or in a fairy tale.  She’s fun, he’s nice, they’ve had relationships before, they’re making out on the L in the Hollywood sign.  Yawn.  OMG, THEY’RE LOST AND THERE IS GRAFFITI!! Now they’re moving road closed signs…this has got to be a joke…whew, it is.  Chandeliers on the bridge, a dinner for two, and a musician who I think I should know who he is.  These two do seem to be enjoying themselves, but they would be a snooze of a couple.  No future reality show for them!  He gets a rose, no surprise there.
Back to the bro-ness – date number two is a group date, where they are making a rap video with soulja boy. “WHOOO?  YOUUUU!.”  The video is called “For the right reasons” – this is kind of hilarious.  Did Brandon pick that outfit for himself?  There are no pants involved.  Aaaahhh all the raps are making fun of past bachelors – awesome!  He has no pants b/c there is a tattoo on his man part – Casey!.  “My manager sent me to help me sell my single.  I’ll sing to you girl, if it helps me sell my jingle.”  Wes!  Love it.  Fake broken leg – Justin.  Propose and change my mind, cry so much it will make you sick – Mesnick.  Well done writers.  Fast forward to evening and one on one time – Zach W. is actually making a great impression following his shirtlessness last week.  Ben is talking about his kiddo…you know, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him bringing his son on the show, but after hearing him reference it getting him an edge in the last episode, I don’t know.  AH – he asked if he could kiss her – as a girl whose first kiss was post-ask I can tell you, this is not a good strategy.  The dudes do not like Ben, and I think they should stop drinking.  In the meantime, Bryden gets the date card…something about him struck me in the last episode, can’t think of what it was…military?  Back to the date, Brandon is telling about the family.  His dad left when he was five and his mom was a druggie – sad!  Des is trying to be all in for him, but I don’t know if she really is.  I do feel Brandon deserves the rose if she likes him, seeing as he had to walk around pantless for most of the day, but she gives it to Ben, which makes Mikey have feelers.  Impromptu rapping, make it stop…
Bryden and Des are off on a California road-trip   They’ve stopped for snacks, waded in the water, few kites, ate fish tacos, now they’ve stopped to pick oranges…about now I’d be asking where the wine is (oh who am I kidding, I wouldn’t have made it past the fish tacos).  But now they’re in Ojai, and if what I learned from watching Brothers and Sisters is correct, this is a good sign.  Brayden brought pictures from a car accident to dinner.  That would be weird on any date…at least the accident taught him to have fun because you don’t know what will happen and you only get one shot at life.  DUCK!  Another cliche!  They’re flying around here…and it’s a rose for Bryden. Ooh, awkward pool time…this is awesome…we had a fun day…and Des says “Just kiss me already.”  I may just like her after all (and come on Bryden, man up!).
Michael is the first dude with one on one time at the cocktail party, and he’s talking about his blood sugar.  Ben is stealing Des, and Michael is pissed b/c he has a rose already, but I think Michael should be glad he stopped him from talking any more about diabetes…Des seemed bored.  The dudes are really pissed, three on one in an argument by the pool, and I’ve got to say Ben is looking the best.  He’s lying pretending he didn’t know he was stealing her, but other than that, he looks better because he’s keeping his cool and Michael and Mikey are freaking.  I’ve lost track of who is bitching, but one of the dudes said Ben mentioned other bachelors coming on the show with one bar and then it turns into five – that doesn’t sound good (apparently he has a bar).
ROSE CEREMONY!  Brooks, Ben, and Bryden have roses – the key to Des’ heart is a name that starts with B.  Oh hi So. American guy, where have you been all episode?  He gets a rose…ooh, stick to english Des.  Yay Drew, he’s a cutie.  Ugh, Michael, now we get at least one more week of whining.  A sweaty Brandon gets the last rose…he has got to chill, he’s going to make her feel smothered for sure.  Bye bye Will, he seemed like a good dude, I bet she was sad he couldn’t dance in the rap video.  Robert is going home too, I thought he was a cutie, plus I have a soft spot for the ad guys.  And bye bye as well to Nick M.