Overnight Dates and DRAMA!

“It’s part one of the shocking conclusion of the Bachelorette” – from Chris Harrison himself (sounds kind of familiar…).  Unfortunately, some jerkface put the ending via Reality Steve on Facebook.  On FACEBOOK!  A whole two weeks before the end!  So I believe I know what happens and what Des is up to now (I’ll put this spoiler at the bottom, after a lot of spaces, if you want to know).  Ooh, “The television event of the summer starts right now.” Chris has gotten some new material.

Fairy tale!  Drink!  Des is standing on a sailboat looking longingly into her future, I’m sure.  Since Zak is gone, I guessing we can get through this episode without anyone singing – although Chris is still around, so there will probably still be some poetry.  I guess I’m not a romantic.  Flashbacks from the season – they’re showing Brian (right?) the guy whose girlfriend showed up.  I read that they are back together – come on girl, have some self respect.

First date is Drew – lots of “wow this place is amazing” – I feel like these two are still a little awkward together for how far along in this journey we are – he might be going home next.  Des is going on about how good looking Drew is – abs, eyes, face – Amen sister.

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“You’re sincere, you’re honest, blah blah blah” – seems forced to me.  Now it’s gotten dark, and they are kissing beneath an umbrella in the rain – why do I like this show?  Des declares you can feel the love from Drew’s lips.  Hmmmm.  Now they’re talking about how the rain won’t ruin their evening oh my GOODNESS this is a snooze.  Fantasy suite card comes out and bow-chicka-wow-wowwwwww.  Drew is enthusiastically in.  They’re so boring, I’m not even going to write about what they’re saying.  Amazing, princess, you get the idea.  They both know Drew is ready to propose, and he kicks the camera guys out (“Okay guys, time to leave”) – that was a little bit funny.

And suddenly we’re back in Idaho, where Brooks is strolling through the park looking forlorn, because he isn’t ready to tell Desiree that he loves her.  You know, everyone does the stressed-out-stroll on this show.  No one ever just has a cigarette.

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Brooks isn’t comfortable with proposing at the end of this, and doesn’t want to answer the question “Do you love Desiree.”  Definitely a problem.  Sis tells him he knows the answer.  Sis is smart.  More or less, it sounds like if this was a regular relationship, Brooks would be fine – things are happening, but not fast enough for the Bachelorette (“Hello” to “Will you marry me?” in six weeks!).  Mom and sis encourage him to have that tough conversation and tell Des the truth.

Hey this is how my dog is sitting to watch with me – he’s pretty funny, huh?

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Chris’ date – I hope they aren’t as boring as Drew’s date, they’ve been less than thrilling in the past…although I did find it endearing with the two of them for some reason.  They’re off to explore Antigua (which apparently is pronounced without the “u”?) in a helicopter to Barbuda for a picnic on the beach – I kind of miss Sean and his zany dates.  They’re laying in the sand making out – that cannot be comfortable, and Des is going to need a real thorough shower before the fantasy suite knowwhatImean?  I do like them together.  Listening to Chris talk about how much he loves her tugs at my heartstrings a bit, much more so than with Drew.

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They’re at dinner, and Chris just asked Des how she feels about moving to Seattle.  This might be a deal-breaker for Des, she really likes CA – but now she says she can do what she wants anywhere, and is definitely open to it.  Des says there is an easiness with her and Chris – I knew it.  Their fantasy suite is pretty kickass and ON NO IT’S ANOTHER POEM!  It was more of a letter, so not too bad.  Lots of pool kissing.

Dun dun dunnnnnnn…Brooks is here, and is talking with Chris.  I wonder who Chris thinks is the biggest tool he’s met on the show, it’s been a lot of seasons!  Chris straight up asks “Are you not in love with this girl?” and Brooks can’t answer…Chris says he’s hearing that Des is not the girl for Brooks.  It’s taking him a while to admit it, but he finally says he doesn’t think Des is the love of his life.  He admits he’s been ready to get married before and it didn’t work out, so obviously he’s felt stronger for another woman in the past than he is feeling for Des.  He’s feeling the guilt and getting teary.  They’re dragging this out a little loooooong.  Chris tells him to man up and have the conversation with Des, and Brooks agrees, as soon as he can.  Despite his best efforts, he can’t force love.

Oh ABC, you are so cruel, letting Des go on and on about how crazy she is about Brooks.  She definitely saved the hot outfit for Brooks – so jealous of her stomach!

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She is so excited to see him, and he’s upset right off the bat – at least he didn’t waste any time letting her know something was wrong, and there weren’t a bunch of awkward “How are you?”s like when Emily gave Arie the fantasy date boot.  He’s telling her all the shit people say to people when they’re sorry to be hurting them, the stuff that makes the dumpee say “Well then why don’t you want me?”  Poor Des.  I think she wants him to get to the point, as she asks how he really feels.  I think she really is sad, but I also wonder if part of her is thinking about how she’ll be the first bachelor/bachelorette to go home empty-handed, since she’s straight up said he is the frontrunner.  OOOHHhhh, why now – she’s getting pissed!  Des has her knees up on the bench in front of her and her head in her knees – this is really very sad.  She just whispered “I don’t know what to say.  I love you.” and he asks why she didn’t say it earlier – WTF would that have mattered?!  If that would have made a difference, it makes me think that Brooks was just a big chicken, afraid to say it first if it might not have been said back.  Des says she’s never felt completely loved by anyone.  So much sadness.

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If she wanted to feel completely loved, maybe she should have kept Brandon around – HEY-O!

“I don’t care that you just broke my heart – I love you.”  Ouch.  And more crying, even by Brooks by himself.  Now they’re walking, and Des says the only reason for her being conflicted throughout this process is because she didn’t want to share her heart, she wanted to give it to him.  Brooks says he’ll shut up b/c he’s not helping, and Des agrees.  Ah, angry Des.  And one last, long hug goodbye.  Oh wait there is another one.  Des speed-walks out to the pier, and gets a moment’s privacy (likely only because there are no camera men in the water) while we watch Brooks cry and swear.

Des ends the show saying it breaks her heart knowing she has two dudes who do love her, but she can’t love them the way she loved Brooks – for her, it’s over.

So – according to the previously mentioned jerk on fb who posted Reality Steve’s spoiler (don’t read any further if you don’t want to know)…

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Brooks and Des are together and engaged.  My guess is she gives the other two dudes the boot and Brooks comes back ever-so regretful of his decision.  Till next week!

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Time for Des to Meet the Families!

WOOHOO!  It’s our favorite weeknight!  Time for the Bachelorette.  I’m getting increasingly worried Des is going to be standing alone at the end…so tempting to read the spoilers, but I know I’ll regret it if I give in!

We start out in Texas for Zak’s hometown date.  My prediction is he’ll be the one to go this week, although I myself would not make that choice (he’s so funny and cute!).  Des is remembering Zak and his shirtless first meeting and can’t believe she’s meeting his family – she is also nervous about meeting his sis (smart man – the big sisters are tough to impress).  Zak is telling Des about a dream involving a lot of precipitation…Okay I don’t even know where to take that, so lets move on.  WAIT – we can’t move on…he has a family snow cone business!  That is what he was hinting (?) at.  There are a munch of school kids asking for snow cones and Des wants to start throwing them – they aren’t chickens Des.  But speaking of birds, now Zak is in a penguin suit.  This is a weird date.

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And here we are at Zak’s parents’ house!  The sister doesn’t seem so scary, there is a lot of squealing.  Zak’s bro looks like Freddie Prinze JR (thank’s Laura ;-)).  Wow – Zak says he’s been completely naked 3 times – Mom doesn’t look surprised at all, and sis asks Des if she’s seen him completely naked.  This is some family meal!  Des and mama are one on one for a few, then Des and sis, and they all seem to be fans of each other.  Zak is talking to his mama, and he does seem pretty ga ga for Des.  You can tell by his expressive eyebrows.  Oh God…they’re all going to sing to her…awkward turtle.  Wait a minute…Zak has an ulterior motive!  He wants his family bad to be famous!

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You know when you’re in the car with someone, maybe on a road trip, and you’re singing along to the radio, but then it gets weird because they start to sing like they’re trying out for the opera?  Or maybe just American Idol?  That’s the weird vibe I’m getting from sis.  But thankfully they’re done, Zak gives her a promise ring, asks her to prom, and tells her he loves her.  Awwwww.

DREW!  I’ve missed you!  By the way – if you haven’t searched google images for photos of Drew Kenney, you should.  Goodness.  Here’s his Twitter profile pic – which might make him a little bit of a douche bag (but I still love him).

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First they’re going to see Drew’s sister, who is (his words) severely mentally handicapped, and can’t communicate.  Oh my goodness!  She (Melissa) is so excited to see them!  She is holding Drew’s hand so tight, it almost makes me want to cry.  ABC shows their relationship beautifully, well done ABC.  Now everyone is sitting outside at dinner, and Drew is reliving how uncool he played it when he got out of the limo and forgot to tell her his name.  Drew is chatting with mom and Des is hanging out with Dad.

Dad: “Do you believe in angels?”
Des: “I do.”
Dad: “Have you ever met one?”
Des: “No.”
Dad: “Yes you have.  Melissa.”

Dad talks about how Melissa has taught them so much.  They’re both getting a little bit teary.  Drew tells mom he can see himself getting down on a knee for her, and she seems really happy about it.  Dad gives Drew the go-ahead to propose as well.  Hmmm…I’m just slightly suspicious of Drew – he is a model, and he has the Jake Pavelka “I’m a super duper nice guy!” thing going.  But I still love him, and would DEF watch him as The Bachelor.  Okay he kind of word-vomited “I love you” at her.  See, now I think he’s genuine, I just can’t figure it out!  And he likes Dave Matthews (via his Twitter).

Off to Oregon for Chris’ hometown…he is wandering through the park, being sensitive and picking flowers.  First they’re going to play some baseball – ish, good thing Joel didn’t hold athletic ability as a requirement for a wife or I would still be a single lady.  They do seem liek they’re having a lot of fun together.  Oh, Des just said she is having a blast, it’s like we’re telepathic.  Chris thinks his family has quirks – he must not have heard about Zak’s family!  The father is a chiropractor and wants to give her an adjustment – it freaks Des out, but this would be a major selling point for me!  Now Dad is working on Chris, and this is happening…

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Chris and his sis are trashing the ex – well the sis is, Chris seems a little let down that no one liked her (?!).  Aw, Mom just told how Chris wanted it to be Des before he left, and how he text her from the airport when he found out it was!  Strangely timed wellness treatments aside, I have a good feeling about these two.  And Des says she doesn’t want to leave him.

Now it’s time for Brooks’ family – the previews have been making it look like he’s not as into him as he thinks he should be.  He is striding up a hill and staring longingly into the distance from a bridge – CHEESY.  Whoa – she just said to the camera “I love Brooks…” ?!  He’s having trouble because he doesn’t have time to explore his feelings – maybe he’s not a live in the moment type of person, and Des seems very much so.  Des made him a list of great moments – this seems backwards.  I guess she did make drawings for Chris.  Hey!  Brooks as they same green Old Town canoe we have!  I wonder if his has drips of paint all over b/c it was beneath the deck when someone painted it as well.

There are so many people to meet Des that they are wearing name tags!  And she gets a group hug right off the bat.

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Des talks to Mom, Brooks talks to Dad, thank goodness we’re on the last one, this is getting old!  Actually, Dad and bro are asking Brooks good questions – if Des was gone from your life, how would he feel (high gainer? if you don’t work at space, that won’t be funny).  Brooks tells us how mama’s opinion is the most important, and Mama tells Brooks that Des asked her if he was ready for marriage.  Brooks says he is pleasantly surprised about how he feels about that with Des.  Brooks is excited for the future and doesn’t want Des to leave – I think he’s the only one who hasn’t said he loves her yet.

Before the rose ceremony, Des is meeting with (gasp!) her brother Nate.  The one who was a jerk to Sean, and basically got Des booted.  He straight out says “I want to get in their heads” and Desiree isn’t going for it.  Yawn – I’m over him.  Filler.  She’s going to consider him meeting them.

OKAY GUYS, OKAY OKAY OKAY!  We’re back in LA for the rose ceremony, and Des and Chris (Harrison) are chatting.  My guess is Zak is going home.  Okay wait – I think Des just said she was hoping for a proposal with Brooks, but after Chris’ hometown was unsure.  So does that mean Zak and Drew are more or less out?  And here…we…go!!!

Rose #1 – Brooks
Rose #2 – Chris
Rose #3 –

Drew.

I knew it – but poor Zak.  Such a sweet dude.  He’s shocked, and I want to laugh at his crazy faces, but I feel to sad for him.  She is telling him how much he deserves, I’m sure that makes him feel better.  She gives the promise ring back.

ACK I couldn’t help it!

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Des’ Dudes get Interesting

Here I ago again – lets hope Desiree’s and the boys have stepped it up a bit in my one week hiatus (although I could have gone on and one about what a jerk Michael was during last week’s two on one – she should have booted him and Ben both – but I don’t like to reward bad behavior).  Supposedly James’ true colors show this week – I’m not surprised.  Although I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, learned that lesson from The Sheltering Sky (have you read? ICK).

 
The crew is in Barcelona, a city which is “incredibly romantic” (aren’t they all).  OMG Michael is talking again…bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.  Man, I love Drew, but why does he have to Ken Doll his hair?  
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Oh, he gets the first date!!  I wonder if he has to leave the rest of the dudes drinking beers outside to get ready?  Now he and Des are kissing, which she likes – she kisses a lot.  Drew gets a bit teary talking about his alcoholic father – maybe she should kiss him again.  Pretty awesome that his recovered alcoholic pops is helping other people with the same problem now.  Drew says not many people know his farther has cancer…oops, not anymore.  I’m glad these two are showing some chemistry, I like him and haven’t seen much of them yet.  Unbelievable (DRINK)…thanks for opening up (DRINK)…whoa, he just drung her into an alley and pushed her up against a wall – he’s pulling out the big guns!
 
Group date card!  Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Michael, James and Juan Pablo – that means Zak gets the one on one.  Poor Juan Pablo is sad, he hasn’t had a 1 on 1.  Drew is going to tell Des about James wanting to be the next bachelor – but he waits till AFTER he gets the rose, smart man!  They’re blurring out all Des’ good swearing – my guess is she just said “f*#$ing d@!khead.”
 
They’re playing soccer for the group date – no wonder Juan is on this one – he’s played professionally.  I think Chris and Zak were pro baseball players, lots of athletes on this one.  HA HA HA!!  Brooks (who I think Des likes a LOT) just said Juan Pablo’s name directly translates to “I’m going after Desiree and you have no chance.”  Even better – he did it in a bad Latin accent.  Awesome.  Damn he’s hot (JP).  Everyone is belittling the girls team they’re playing against…I have a feeling they might be sandbagging…yep, yep, now it’s 5-2, chicks in the lead.  The smack-talk turns to James, who is playing a half-assed goalie.  You know, if anyone is there trying to be the next bachelor, it’s probably JP – maybe he’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it.
 
Chris and Des are once again exchanging poetry, do people really do this after high-school   Anyone?  A dude wrote me a poem in college once, I ran the other way.  Kasey is going to confront James – kudos to him for putting it out there.  Brooks is “lost in a moment with Desiree” (maybe he should be the writer) and the rest of the dudes are fighting.  I’m sure glad Kasey has stopped using hashtags all the time.  Michael just said he hasn’t been confrontational before now, where has he been…I cannot stand him.  James is yelling and dropping f-bombs – not making yourself look good, James.  Now Kasey “has to tell Des” – I wonder if the bachelorettes/bachelors ever feel like counselors.
 
Des sends the dudes (except James) home, no rose.  She tells James she believes everything the dudes have told her he’s said.  He’s totally throwing Mikey under the bus – this will be fun to see on the ATFR episode!!  I can’t tell if James is really crying, he’s trying though.  She decides she needs to sleep on it.  Don’t fall for it Des, as a very wise (?) woman once said, players only love you when they’re playin’.  James is back and says “Gentlemen…good night.”  Dun dun dunnnnnnnn…
 
I heart Zak – I can’t believe he was the topless guy in the first episode.  He’s so not macho now, but I dig his show.  They’re drawing, badly, but they’re having a good time.  Enter male model in robe and…it’s OFF!  Nakedness on the bachelorette, not in the usual way.  He’s taking multiple poses, this is kind of hilarious.  Zak just left the room giggling, I KNEW it he’s back in the robe…and…well at least he’s wearing underwear.  Now they are at the run of the mill pillow-and-candle adorned dinner spot.  Man I wish Joel would come in from the garage, so comfy and I need a glass of wine.  Anyway – Zak’s mom is a bundle of joy, and his pops is responsible adn loving.  They both (say they) have an adventurous spirit.  “It feels so good to be in a cave with you” – now that’s love!  Seriously, the sparks are flying.  And Zak makes lots of wide-eyed faces.
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OMG MAN…JAMES IS TALKING TO DREW…Drew is defending his lady’s honor.  Argue argue argue, blah blah blah.  Super awkward the next day, and Zak starts talking about how happy he is – I love him.  Des grabs James, and the voiceover tells us she’s giving him the boot.  Ooh, kind of awkward that he’s going on about how great she is.  He means what he says, BS, Des, did you learn nothing from Stevie Nicks?!  “James can sell ice to an eskimo” – Kasey is #ontohim.  Oh man, he’s got underboob sweat, Des, never fall for a player with underboob sweat. Chris just asked “what did you guys talk about?” are ya serious?  Come on Zak, be funny!  Now he’s telling the guys what he said, but it isn’t what he said (even Joel noticed).  James just said “it’s reality” — sorry buddy, nothing about this whole business is reality.  You can tell these dudes have nothing else to do for six weeks, this is the dumbest argument ever.  MICHAEL STOP TALKING.    
 
If Des knows what is good for her, she will send James home – I think she’s stronger when he’s not talking to her one on one.  I have faith in her.  All these ad people on the show – I hope one day one of them calls on us (that really did happen once – Susan from Travis’ season met with me when she was repping a travel site.  It was awesome!  http://tinyurl.com/m9hqw6x picture does not do her justice).
 
And the roses go to Chris (no surprise), Brooks (no surprise), Drew’s got one…Michael, ugh, oh gross, seriously over Juan Pablo?!  JP?!  Des Des Des…well, at least James is going.  Juan Pablo for next bachelor!!  He’s even teary.  UGH I cannot stand Michael…”he was found guilty, case dismissed.”  Shut it.  Zak just made another killer face when Des announced they were going to an island, but I’m too pooped to get a picture.  Ooh!  She dropped “fairy tale” in the scenes from next week, haven’t heard that from her for a while!  WOW, looks like some MAJOR drama is coming, concerning Drew…am I falling victim to the editors at ABC?  We shall see!