Des is Down to Five!

YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH IT’S BACHELORETTE TIME!  The previews are rife with strife – my gal Morgan has a theory that all the sadness is a faker – maybe they’re pretending to be in a soap opera or something.  I think she’s sups smart and maybe on to something.  OMG I really hope Michael goes home this week.

My predictions for the final three: Drew, Chris, Brooks.  I really like Zak too, but I think Des is more into the other three.  Wow, is she already down to five?  “Look at the fish?  Oh wow!” I don’t think these dudes would normally be that excited about some minnows.  OMG!  GIRLFRIENDS FROM LAST SEASON?!  Catherine, Jackie and Leslie are there – I love it!!!  Catherine and Sean are best friends – glad she updated us on that.  I don’t remember Jackie.  But she thinks Drew is a cutie, and I agree.  She has narrowed it down to a good group (minus Michael).  They’re now talking who has the best body (Des says Drew – agreed), best eyes, etc…Catherine asks about the best BEEP – aw I love me some girl time 🙂  Des’ guess is Chris.

First one on one is with Brooks – these two seem pretty nuts about each other. Chris agrees (he says he can tell they have a connection).  I do like Brooks, but I get a bit of a creeper vibe from him, I don’t know why.


Des and Brooks are driving above the clouds, and are super excited about it.  I remember a similar experience in my life (domestic through – rocky mts) – I did not enjoy it so much, I was more worried about plummeting to my death.  There was no railing, no railing!  Anyway…

Brooks is straight up asking the tough questions – where are we between like and love – I appreciate his ballsiness (new word!).  Someone cue “On the wings of LOVE, up and above the clouds…” OOPS! That’s Jake’s season. 😉


Date card is here, and it’s Chris.  “Lets ‘sea’ if we can find love here.”  He’s pumped.  Back to Brooks and Des – where the heck is Madera anyway?  Ooh, I spelled it wrong, but it’s off of Portugal – I know because I searched, that is what you call a multiscreen experience folks.  Okay, enough of the biz talk.    I had to check facebook for a minute, and when I came back Brooks was excited that des says she was running…after rewinding twice, “running” represents how fast she is moving toward love.  But he doesn’t know if he’s ready to run until after she meets his fam.

Date day with Chris – who is head over heals.  How is a guy this good looking still this desperately single?!  As the dues wave goodbye, I am again impressed with the group she’s narrowed it down for (minus Michael).  Drew and his Ken-doll hair are disappointed that he doesn’t get the one on one.  Michael is the next one on one, which I hope is a huge flop.  Zak and Drew get the next two on one, but I guess it doesn’t mean someone is going home from it.


OMG NOW THEY ARE writing poetry together.  Maybe these two are made for each other even more than Des and Brooks…although I have a secret theory that she is getting sick of how sappy he is.  And he’s going to drop the L word.  They’re talking about family size…blah blah blah…he’s going to do it.  I’m getting hot and nervous OH WAIT, another poem.

“Expressed in writing and felt through touch,

enjoy this moment and embrace this rush.

The strongest word with so much meaning

not too hard to believe it’s true.

Our hearts are open and in every kiss,

I truly mean that I love you.”

And she LOVES it!  She says she’s falling for him and that she could see life with him – but unfortunately, I think she’s trying to convince herself.  A date with Michael is next – barf.  I’m not sure how I’ll be able to stand this date – after hearing her talk with the girls, we know she’s impressed with his career (lawyer).  There must have been so much edited out of her date with Ben, because if it had been only what we saw, he would be gone.  WHOA…WAIT…she just said Michael was the sweetest person she’d ever met – she said that about Drew 39 minutes ago!  WHAT?!  C’MON DES, get your men straight!  Now we’re on a Wendy’s commercial (btw, I hear the frosty in a waffle cone is delish) and I realize I haven’t been paying attention – back to it.  Michael was raised but a single mama, and doesn’t talk to his biological pops – he wouldn’t pay for the diabetes bills.  The truth about Michael’s past comes out – his gf cheated on him – even though I don’t like him, I feel bad, no one deserves that.  He found out through a facebook photo, they weren’t even being careful if that happened.  And how can you not fall in love when this gal is serenading you?


TWO ON ONE!  DREW AND ZAK!  These two are my faves – and there is a rose on the date, but it doesn’t mean one goes home, so that’s cool.  Ugh, looks like they’re at a go kart track, man I would suck at this show.  Des wants Drew to let lose, and Zak to be himself in a group setting.  Drew and Zak are racing…it’s Zak in the lead…oh man he is leaving Drew in the dust.  I love how nice these dudes are being to each other.  Wait – Drew is going to drop the L bomb?!  Man, I didn’t realize we were here already!  I guess so with five, usually I feel like we’re down to three before they start flying.  Although Brandon introduced it way early in the game.  Ha ha ha ha ha – Des just said “Zak, since you won, would you like to go first?” That’s funny – obviously they’ll both get some one on one time. Zak drew pictures to represent their path so far (oh I guess they’re paintings).  He is ga ga, but doesn’t want the words “I love you” to come out today, because he respects her and Drew and that they’ll have to hang out together the rest of the day – what an awesome dude!

I wonder if anyone else finds it odd how many random pillows are placed around this country.

Drew is talking about his handicapped sister who can’t express herself – kinda close to my heart :-).  Des just nuzzled in OH HE SAID HE’S FALLEN IN LOVE!!  And she is happy.  They walk back to the blanken with Zak, and I love the respect these two dudes show each other.  Class acts all the way.  Drew gest the rose – poor Zak.  I bet he still gets one at the ceremony.

Chris Harrison is chatting with Des pre-rose ceremony, man oh man I hope it’s Michael.  If it isn’t, I bet it’s Zak, which will make me sups sad.  She said Drew is the best looking guy she’s ever met, and husband material.  And she likes all kindsa stuff about Brooks, she’s at the finish line. (?)  I think she might be drunk.  She isn’t afraid to be hurt, good for you Des!  You can’t go through life protecting yourself…well you can, but feeling, good or bad, is what makes it beautiful.  Okay, lets get out of that rabbit hole…

Bye bye MIchael, PLEASE bye bye Michael…

And we’re at the rose ceremony, Drew is the only one who has one so far.  Brooks has a rose…(I’m so nervous)…Chris has a rose…(come on, come on, say Zak)…ZAK!!!  YAY ZAK!!! ZAK HAS A ROSE!

WHEW.  Des (in her VERY sexy-backed blue dress) is walking him out.


Michael’s sob story – he was ready to commit to her for life (weird) and make her happy for evs and evs.  Pretty amicable break-up, except that he really wanted her to kick it with his fam.  He says no girl will be able to match up to her, and she just wants him to leave (my insight, nothing she said).  Effing wah Michael, I don’t want to hear it.


(I’m so confused though – where is all the drama they mentioned last week?!)


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