Des’ Dudes get Interesting

Here I ago again – lets hope Desiree’s and the boys have stepped it up a bit in my one week hiatus (although I could have gone on and one about what a jerk Michael was during last week’s two on one – she should have booted him and Ben both – but I don’t like to reward bad behavior).  Supposedly James’ true colors show this week – I’m not surprised.  Although I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, learned that lesson from The Sheltering Sky (have you read? ICK).

The crew is in Barcelona, a city which is “incredibly romantic” (aren’t they all).  OMG Michael is talking again…bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.  Man, I love Drew, but why does he have to Ken Doll his hair?  
Oh, he gets the first date!!  I wonder if he has to leave the rest of the dudes drinking beers outside to get ready?  Now he and Des are kissing, which she likes – she kisses a lot.  Drew gets a bit teary talking about his alcoholic father – maybe she should kiss him again.  Pretty awesome that his recovered alcoholic pops is helping other people with the same problem now.  Drew says not many people know his farther has cancer…oops, not anymore.  I’m glad these two are showing some chemistry, I like him and haven’t seen much of them yet.  Unbelievable (DRINK)…thanks for opening up (DRINK)…whoa, he just drung her into an alley and pushed her up against a wall – he’s pulling out the big guns!
Group date card!  Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Michael, James and Juan Pablo – that means Zak gets the one on one.  Poor Juan Pablo is sad, he hasn’t had a 1 on 1.  Drew is going to tell Des about James wanting to be the next bachelor – but he waits till AFTER he gets the rose, smart man!  They’re blurring out all Des’ good swearing – my guess is she just said “f*#$ing d@!khead.”
They’re playing soccer for the group date – no wonder Juan is on this one – he’s played professionally.  I think Chris and Zak were pro baseball players, lots of athletes on this one.  HA HA HA!!  Brooks (who I think Des likes a LOT) just said Juan Pablo’s name directly translates to “I’m going after Desiree and you have no chance.”  Even better – he did it in a bad Latin accent.  Awesome.  Damn he’s hot (JP).  Everyone is belittling the girls team they’re playing against…I have a feeling they might be sandbagging…yep, yep, now it’s 5-2, chicks in the lead.  The smack-talk turns to James, who is playing a half-assed goalie.  You know, if anyone is there trying to be the next bachelor, it’s probably JP – maybe he’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it.
Chris and Des are once again exchanging poetry, do people really do this after high-school   Anyone?  A dude wrote me a poem in college once, I ran the other way.  Kasey is going to confront James – kudos to him for putting it out there.  Brooks is “lost in a moment with Desiree” (maybe he should be the writer) and the rest of the dudes are fighting.  I’m sure glad Kasey has stopped using hashtags all the time.  Michael just said he hasn’t been confrontational before now, where has he been…I cannot stand him.  James is yelling and dropping f-bombs – not making yourself look good, James.  Now Kasey “has to tell Des” – I wonder if the bachelorettes/bachelors ever feel like counselors.
Des sends the dudes (except James) home, no rose.  She tells James she believes everything the dudes have told her he’s said.  He’s totally throwing Mikey under the bus – this will be fun to see on the ATFR episode!!  I can’t tell if James is really crying, he’s trying though.  She decides she needs to sleep on it.  Don’t fall for it Des, as a very wise (?) woman once said, players only love you when they’re playin’.  James is back and says “Gentlemen…good night.”  Dun dun dunnnnnnnn…
I heart Zak – I can’t believe he was the topless guy in the first episode.  He’s so not macho now, but I dig his show.  They’re drawing, badly, but they’re having a good time.  Enter male model in robe and…it’s OFF!  Nakedness on the bachelorette, not in the usual way.  He’s taking multiple poses, this is kind of hilarious.  Zak just left the room giggling, I KNEW it he’s back in the robe…and…well at least he’s wearing underwear.  Now they are at the run of the mill pillow-and-candle adorned dinner spot.  Man I wish Joel would come in from the garage, so comfy and I need a glass of wine.  Anyway – Zak’s mom is a bundle of joy, and his pops is responsible adn loving.  They both (say they) have an adventurous spirit.  “It feels so good to be in a cave with you” – now that’s love!  Seriously, the sparks are flying.  And Zak makes lots of wide-eyed faces.
OMG MAN…JAMES IS TALKING TO DREW…Drew is defending his lady’s honor.  Argue argue argue, blah blah blah.  Super awkward the next day, and Zak starts talking about how happy he is – I love him.  Des grabs James, and the voiceover tells us she’s giving him the boot.  Ooh, kind of awkward that he’s going on about how great she is.  He means what he says, BS, Des, did you learn nothing from Stevie Nicks?!  “James can sell ice to an eskimo” – Kasey is #ontohim.  Oh man, he’s got underboob sweat, Des, never fall for a player with underboob sweat. Chris just asked “what did you guys talk about?” are ya serious?  Come on Zak, be funny!  Now he’s telling the guys what he said, but it isn’t what he said (even Joel noticed).  James just said “it’s reality” — sorry buddy, nothing about this whole business is reality.  You can tell these dudes have nothing else to do for six weeks, this is the dumbest argument ever.  MICHAEL STOP TALKING.    
If Des knows what is good for her, she will send James home – I think she’s stronger when he’s not talking to her one on one.  I have faith in her.  All these ad people on the show – I hope one day one of them calls on us (that really did happen once – Susan from Travis’ season met with me when she was repping a travel site.  It was awesome! picture does not do her justice).
And the roses go to Chris (no surprise), Brooks (no surprise), Drew’s got one…Michael, ugh, oh gross, seriously over Juan Pablo?!  JP?!  Des Des Des…well, at least James is going.  Juan Pablo for next bachelor!!  He’s even teary.  UGH I cannot stand Michael…”he was found guilty, case dismissed.”  Shut it.  Zak just made another killer face when Des announced they were going to an island, but I’m too pooped to get a picture.  Ooh!  She dropped “fairy tale” in the scenes from next week, haven’t heard that from her for a while!  WOW, looks like some MAJOR drama is coming, concerning Drew…am I falling victim to the editors at ABC?  We shall see!

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