Des’ Season – Episode 3

I’m just starting up the bachelorette at almost 9pm…I have a text from my pal Laura saying she hopes I use the word “palpable” in my summary, so that sounds interesting.  And I can’t WAIT for the other woman to show up!!!

“Love is a Battlefield” is the subject of the first date card – I hope they’re going to a Pat Benatar concert!  Nope, they’re paying dodgeball with the national team.  Looks ouchie.  Des likes seeing guys in their natural state – I think she thinks she’s at a hot guy zoo.  Brandon is so cute, I think he is too needy for her though.  Ooh and Drew, I like Drew (third episode is when I start to learn their names).  Now they have to go somewhere public to play, what a pain, I would Selma myself out of there.  OMG…in the scramble for the ball, Brooks pulled his groin or something.  Or wait it’s his finger, I’m not sure why he is laying on the ground and there is an ice back near is crotch.  Might as well put Brooks’ name on the date rose!  Oh Drew just said it was palpable (what was palpable, I’m not sure), now I get it Laura!  It’s down to Chris (red) and Zach (blue)…blue team wins!  But Des decides to take all of them to the party, I bet the blue team is pissed.

Here is the very dramatic images of the hospital, flashing lights…must have been a long drive, because it is dark now.  Now Brooks has got his legs apart, I’m not convinced it doesn’t have something to do with his groin.  But back to the date – XXX has a three year old son (I missed the name), he said he wouldn’t be there if anyone but Des was the bachelorette – wow, pulling out all the stops.  Ooh, and a domestic violence restraining order, yikes (for trying to stop his drunken girlfriend from driving, he says).  XXX is cute!  Des is REALLY impressed that Chris found the stairs to the roof.  Brooks is back, still in his red dodgeball uniform, which is funny.  Ah!  XXX = Brad, glad we got that cleared up.  And Chris gets the rose!  I’m impressed!  Des and Chris get a private concert, but it is not Pat Benatar.

Okay, next day, Des is hanging out drawing or writing or something.  Chris has called – it’s “other woman” time!!!  Who is it who is it who is it…Brian?  I don’t know if I’ve seen this dude before.  Chris just walked the girlfriend through the group of men, this is awesome.  “Hi.  I’m Brian’s girlfriend” as she goes to shake Des’ hand, but Des goes right in for the hug.  OH!  He told her he was going to a business meeting!  AHHH everyone is talking – Steph is going off, even Chris Harrison can’t reel her in.  She said they slept together two nights before he went out there…and he confirmed.  Bye bye Brian.  One less boulder sized dude on this season of the bachelorette.  One of the dudes just said they have left daughters and sons to be there – whose got a daughter?  Okay, Kasey’s (the hashtag dude) date.  He confirms that he is, in fact, there for the right reason.    Brandon is in tears because it reminds him of his father figures that would disappear.  Very sad, I’m kind of worried about that dude.  I wonder how much Steph the single mom from NYC got paid to fly to LA and confront Brian.

Kasey’s date for real this time.  People are doing vandeloop (?), basically rappelling dancing on a building (what up Bachelor Pad!).  Soon Des and Kasey are the people, and they seem kind of bored with it.  At dinner, it’s real windy, and the water in the pool is cold – not going well.  He goes in for the kill, and they aren’t playing any music – ABC isn’t helping Kasey out at all.  They’re ending the date, but he does get the rose.

Small group date today – Juan Pablo is on this date, we haven’t seen much of him (my theory is because he is hard to understand, so doesn’t make for good air time).  Jeez, all five of these dudes are so bulky.  Des is on a deck in a dress, and she just threw a dude through the railing – Zak thought it was hot.  Des sees the dudes in their cowboy clothes and decides no more street clothes for them – Des is pretty cool.  Oh, the stunt team for the movie the Lone Ranger, more product placement.  Does the Bachelor franchise seem to be doing more of these these days?  So we’ve got Zak, Juan Pablo, Bryden, James, and Dan, whose pants split when he was getting on the horse (they’re acting like cowboys).  Juan Pablo does his whole cowboy scene in Spanish, including whispering in Des’ ear, not fair.  It does him well, he gets the extra one on one time with des.  The Lone Ranger is out July 3, there, that’s some buzz they can notch on their social media bedpost.  OH!  DES WENT IN FOR THE KISS!  That was amazing – I like a girl who goes for what she wants.  They look good together.  Night time now, and one on one time with Bryden and Zak goes well.  James is telling her about his pops, who is sick, and wants to know that he isn’t wasting his time.  That’s a risk, she can either say “oh, just keep being you,” or she can say “you’re so worried, you should go home.”  Luckily for James, it’s the former, and he gets the rose.  He gives her a daisy in exchange – that’s cute.

Chris Harrison has canceled the cocktail party for a laid back pool party.  Oh Ben, are you about to do something douchy…oh, he meets Des outside and asks for a 15 min car ride.  Now the dudes have seen them kissing and Michael is pissed – Michael needs to get over his Ben issues.  Chris (maybe Zach? not sure) just opened up a box of pizza that says on the top “Will you be my girlfriend, or is this too cheesy?” – these guys are funny!  Oh here is the douchyness – Ben isn’t admitting he already talked to her.  Mikey calls him out OH MICHAEL STOP TALKING.  Brandon is talking about not letting Des get hurt, I think they were right to make him the Casey “guard and protect” character in last week’s rap.  OMG OMG he just told her he was falling in love with her – too soon Brandon!

Rose ceremony time.  I vote for Drew, Chris, Zak, and Brooks.  And Bryden and Juan Pablo.  I think Brandon is going to take it hard if she lets him go, but probably even harder when she lets him go next week.  Bryden’s got one…Juan Pablo’s got one…Zak…Brooks…Drew (!), Zach, Brad, Michael (COME ON Des, are you kidding me?!), Mikey and…(I’m calling Ben)…BEN!  Oh no, Brandon, poor Brandon, he looks heartbroken, such a sad puppy.  Bye to Dan as well.  Des has followed a very upset Brandon out, and says she wanted it to be now, not later, because she didn’t feel the chemistry.  He’s in love with her (?!) but she didn’t feel it.  “Once again someone left me” – I think Brandon needs some counseling.  I am sad for him.  I hope the scenes from next week are good, ending on a downer.

Do they make people say “I’m not here to make friends”?  Every season!